Los Angeles Times, July 21, 2008
Australia
The main story’s
Not too bad:
“Pope concludes Australia visit.”
But the subhead
Arches brows:
“Benedict XVI meets
With victims of sexual abuse
By clergy.”
Sexual abuse? By clergy?
Visited upon children
Sent to church
By pious parents?
Nah! I don’t believe it!
(In the photo,
That same pope,
High on his popemobile,
Caresses a toddler’s head.)
China
The next headline’s
More grim:
“Explosions on buses
kill 3 in Chinese city.”
And just where
Was that vaunted iron
Neck-pressing
Law and order hand?
“Terrorist attacks,”
We’re told,
“Are relatively rare in China.”
“Authorities,”
We’re told,
Are rounding up
“Islamic separatists”
Planning to disrupt
Olympic games.
(One wonders: which came first:
Explosions,
Or the rounding up?)
Short “World Briefing” spots
Complete the foreign news.
Zimbabwe
“Mugabe to seize
some foreign firms.”
Not unreasonable—
You sanction us
And we’ll transfer
Your stuff to more friendly folks.
(Never mind Zimbabwe’s
World record:
Two million percent
Inflation! Really!
You can’t make this stuff up.)
Spain
“Five bomb blasts
shake north.”
But, this time,
No one got hurt
Because terrorist
“Basque separatists”
Phoned timely warnings.
(One sometimes wonders
Just who are the terrorists—
Separatists,
Or fierce governors
Stepping on their necks.)
Britain
“Doubts on U.S.
torture assurance.”
Hard to believe
The House of Commons
And the Foreign Secretary
Of our closest friend
Would stop relying
On our assurance
That we do not torture
Terrorism suspects.
Hard to believe.
Yet our President
Did, last March,
Veto a bill
Forbidding water boarding.
Damn! Hard to believe.
Southeast Asia
“ASEAN censures
Myanmar regime.”
Ten countries
Ranging from tiny Brunei
To resurgent Viet Nam
Have taken a moment
To strongly rebuke
Military-ruled Myanmar
(Formerly—remember?—
Known as Burma).
For what?
Why, for extending,
Yet again,
The detention of Ms. Suu Kyi
(Never mind her Nobel Prize,
Or any modicum of decency).
But not to worry—
She might, we are assured,
Be freed within six months.
And why?
Because the law
Says so.
“Might” be freed?
What “law”?
And why should the kleptocrats
Of Burma,
Target of ASEAN’s
Huffed and puffed
Stern rebuke,
Give a flying fuck?
Added prospective on foreign news
Most of page A6
(Newspapers being what they are)
Trumpets a multi-color
“Limited time offer” ad.
The Bank of America
Will pay four percent
(APY of course)
On a seven month CD.
Wow!
(Be sure to read
The tiny print—
It might constrain
Unwarranted
Enthusiasm.)
(7/24/08)