Those damned psychologists have marked the cards
(And most of us deal from diminished decks),
No wonder our behavior often wrecks
Our lives—prompts vile diagnostic canards.
It’s passing strange that hist’ry’s many bards—
Who peered at our blemishes and freckles—
Did not heap humanity with the dreck
The doctors hurl, splintering us to shards.
You’ve got your massive list of Disorders
Ranging from “Seasonal Affect” to just
About anything across the borders
Those pundits draw—particularly Lust.
You’ve got Dysphorias, Dystopias
Phobias, myriads of Manias.
I confess, I love those manias most.
Just look at them—the fine old fashioned ones—
Klepto, Nympho, Pyro—employ a host
To sweep up the detritus when they’re done.
Though, of all colorful insanias,
My fave is Trichotillomania!
(12/26/09)