Nothing so challenges serenity
As the prospect of an oral exam.
Our academic life’s amenities
Shrink before that specter. And, as I crammed
And crammed, and crammed—convinced no effort would
Suffice—prepped my family for failure,
Suffered Freudian dreams in which I could
Not escape a dark, stalled train—insuring
I would not arrive on time. But I made
It to the site, endured three hours pained
By questions I should easily have aced,
Reflected on my hapless soul, flayed, maimed.
And then, “Please, just step outside Mr. Klotz.”
Strangely, no apprehension, no hell,
In the corridor, no oppressive knots.
And then, “Congratulations, you did well.”
No joy, no triumph—deflation—the air
Whomped out of me. I turned to my mentor,
“Join me for a drink?” Mild impatience pent,
He said, “Can’t. Must catch the train to Montclair.”
Montclair, that’s where he lived, and he did say
“Sorry.” But I felt his great need to dash
Laid bare the folly of my holy day;
Wet-eyed, I felt myself a heap of ash.
(1/26/07)