Lines overheard here and there.
[Billy Fairweather proudly announced: “I read anything with Ted Williams in the title.”]
Larger than life, and way colder than death,
Ted Williams1, in Scottsdale, Arizona,
Famously resides, pickled, without breath,
In liquid nitrogen—chilled to the bone.
His head floats in one jug, skull (sadly) cracked—
The body (in its own cold bath) awaits
Technology that will permit unpacked,
Revivified frozen flesh to abate
Stupid death. People who bat four-o-six—
Suck out one hundred forty seven walks—
Slug seven-thirty-five—leave no skeptics!
And with only twenty-seven Ks! Gawk,
Stunned by decades-old shimmering numbers.
You don’t cremate, inter such magic folks—
Ted’s flaming life authored awe-filled summers;
Alas, his frozen flesh impels snide jokes.
(7/20/09)
1. In 1941, Boston Red Sox player Ted Williams batted .406, and achieved a slugging percentage of .735. He died July 5, 2002. His family had his body decapitated—head and body are preserved in liquid nitrogen.